Abstract:
The counseling relationship is one where the subject and counselor work together at problem solving. It is a complicated process that cannot be reduced to a few simplistic guidelines to ensure effective people helping
Effective counseling is achieved as counselors meet the real needs of the subject by spending time with them, listening to them, supporting them as they struggle through the transition from childhood to adulthood - these are skills that a counselor must learn.
The purpose of this discussion is to highlight the basic characteristics of effective counselors. The counseling relationship is one where the subject and counselor work together at problem solving. It is a complicated process that cannot be reduced to a few simplistic guidelines to ensure effective people helping. However there are several basic skills that a counselor carries that will work through their character to facilitate effective counseling.
ATTENDING
The counselor at any given time must have his/her
full attention on the subject. Daydreaming, fatigue,
anxiety, or restiveness will turn out to be ineffective
to the counselor. The counselor should have his/her
posture straight. They should always look in the
person’s eye without any indication that
they are staring, but the look in their eyes should
mean that they are concerned and that they understand
what the subject is going through at that very
moment. The body language that the counselor portrays
should be calm; they should never show that they
are tensed or nervous about anything. Having these
qualities helps in keeping the patient calm and
at ease. These signs should not be distracting
to the subject. ( Elliott, Watson, Goldman, &
Greenberg, 2004).
LOVING
Every subject that has to be counseled has to be treated with love. An excellent reference could be made to Jesus. The bible has a lot of references of the love that he portrayed to the people. To quote a few there is the encounter with the woman who was caught in adultery ( John 8:1-11), the woman who anointed Him ( Luke 7:36-50) and with the woman at the well ( John 4:4-26). In any relationship between two people unless they can relate to each other from the perspective of feelings. When any counselor shows his/her feelings that the subject experiences they show signs of empathy. Empathy unlike sympathy is much deeper. This emotion means that the counselor is in the person shoes and knows what s/he is feeling; they begin to see the problem from the perspective from the client and feel the emotions of anger, frustrations, disappointments etc. To combat this stage the counselor should is to identify what the subject is feeling and then draw them out and reflect them back to the subject. They will feel understood and will help them understand that you love and care for them as an individual. ( Stiles & Glick, 2002).
LISTENING
In order to give the subject undivided attention
the counselor must be an active listener. Listening
in this case means more than hearing what the
subject is trying to say. The counselor needs
to listen to what is being said without having
any preconceptions of the matter, cutting in between.
While listening however, the counselor should
take in the full meaning and gravity of what is
being said at that time.
Listening is an active process that requires no verbal or non-verbal interruptions in between. One should not be judgmental in either word or action (body language). All counselors should take in what is being said such as the tone of voice, posture, gestures, facial expressions and other nonverbal clues, hearing not only what the subject says, but noticing what gets left out, waiting patiently through periods of silence or tears as the subject summons enough courage to share something painful or pauses to recollect his or her thoughts and regain composure. According to books that have been written by various authors there are ten characteristics that tell if a person is listening. The person being spoken to will always look at the person speaking. They would question the subject to clarify what is being said. They will show they are concerned about them, by asking questions about the others feelings. At some point of the discussion will also repeats some phrases, which the subject said. Will not at anytime during the conversation rush. Remains poised and emotionally controlled. Responds with a nod of the head, a smile, or a frown. Pays close attention. Doesn't interrupt. Keeps on the subject until the subject has finished his thoughts. In most counseling, feelings and not issues are central. When the counselor interprets the situation merely in terms of "problem" and "solution" they miss the feelings that the subject is expressing. Effective counselors should identify what feeling the person has expressed and check with them whether that is what they are feeling, they should avoid premature solutions to the person's problem and deal with their feelings and thoughts and absorb accusations without becoming defensive against the person. ( Wexler& Rice, 1974).
DIGGING
In nearly all cases of counseling there comes a time when you have to dig to learn more about what the subject is trying to hide or say. Digging helps the subject to open up and be more specific of what the problem really is. There are several techniques, which helps effective counseling:
These are briefly described below.
Leading Since the counselor is in the lead role he would ask the subject certain question that would either clarify a point or help in giving a head start when the conversation appears to be stuck. Asking brief questions such: “What happened next?” “Tell me what you mean by…?”
Reflecting Reflecting is a way, of letting the subject's know that the counselors are with them and understand what they feel or think. They do not reflect after every statement; they do it periodically. They use statements such as, "You must feel . . .?" or "I bet that was frustrating." A brief summary of what has been said helps to reflect and stimulate more exploration. There are three types of material that the effective counselors reflect: First, the subject's verbal content as a way to check out and communicate the counselor's understanding. Second, the subject's feelings and emotions that are nonverbally expressed to help them recognize, accept and understand repressed material. Third, the interaction that occurs between the subject and the counselor or another person who is involved
Questioning
The best questions to ask anyone are the ones that require two or more sentences to answer. In this process there are a number of questions that can be used.
Ask open-ended questions - questions which cannot be answered with a "Yes" or "No". For example ask, "What are some of the ways in which your parents have influenced you?" rather than, "Do you feel your parents are part of your problem?"
Counselors should avoid using questions that
have two or more alternatives to them. In doing
so the subject gives their preference as the answer
and the discussion stops there. They should also
avoid using a string of questions. It would be
more appropriate to ask one question at a time.
As in asking a string of them together would tend
to be rather threatening. The question why should
be used more sparingly. These “why’
questions usually sounds judgmental and stops
them from confessing their true feelings.
Filtering While counselors should not disbelieve everything they are told, they do need to mentally sort through the subject's words. One very important characteristic of an effective counselor is that he tries distinguishing between cause and symptoms. Smashing crockery in the kitchen is a symptom of unresolved conflict or frustration. Nail biting is a symptom of anxiety (which is the cause). Counselors take the symptoms and work out what the causes are. Another aspect of their effectiveness is evaluating a person's level of need.
RESPONDING
Goal of the counselor in responding to the subject
is to help them gain insight. The extent to which
counseling is effective depends on the balance
that a counselor shows in the responses that are
made to subjects. The two broad aspects of effectiveness
are directive and nondirective. In nondirective
counseling, it is believed that people should
not be told what to do. If they understand why
things have gone wrong, they will change; insights
supposedly lead to changed behavior. Directive
counseling attempts to teach people better
ways to fulfill their needs. The counselor recognizes
the subject's problem and then guides him or her
in solving it. Subjects are provided with provision
to ventilate and talk out their feelings to help
them cope with internalized anger which causes
depressions. However, it is important to move
beyond feelings and deal with the behavior of
a subject. To change behavior, people may need
to develop new interests and activities. Jesus
was effective at majoring on spiritual aspects
without neglecting physical and psychological
aspects (John 5).
There are several techniques that counselors employ to respond to people, such as: supporting, confronting, informing, interpreting, teaching, self-disclosing, evaluating and silence. Right at the beginning of the session, support and encouragement helps people burdened by needs and conflicts to gain courage and strength to proceed with counseling. Support involves guiding subjects to take stock of their resources, encouraging action and helping them with problems and failures that may result from such action. Confrontation involves presenting an idea to the subject that they might not see otherwise. Subjects may be confronted with sin, failures, inconsistencies, excuses, harmful attitudes or self-defeating behavior. They may respond with confession and experience forgiveness. However, they may also respond with resistance, guilt, hurt, or anger. Counselors should be aware that giving advice might help the subject become dependant on the counselor. To overcome this, counselors let the subject's think through the advice for themselves, adopting it as their own thoughts.
The counselor is an educator who helps the subject by instruction, example and guidance through learning experiences. Counselors are most effective when the teaching is focused on a specific situation. They have them list advantages and disadvantages of possible actions.
There are two types of self-disclosure that are
used by effective counselors in counseling. The
first occurs when the counselor tells the
subject about something which they experienced
in the past that is similar to what the subject
is presently experiencing. The goal is to
convince the subject that the counselor understands.
Most people associate silence in a counseling
context with feelings of awkwardness, disapproval
or rejection. While some counselors identify "work"
with talking, it is often during the moments of
silence that subject's gain their most significant,
life-changing insights. Counselors have identified
three occasions where silence is the most appropriate
response from the counselor: First, a deliberate
pause to add emphasis to what has just been
said or done. Second, an organizational pause
that is intended to facilitate transition from
one issue to another. Third, a natural terminating
pause that is used to bring a particular
issue to an end. The main characteristic of an
effective counselor is how sensitive he is to
the silence; should continue and decide whether
it is productive or unproductive. If the subject
is thinking, reflecting, clarifying internal feelings
or accomplishing some other task during the pause
then the silence is considered productive. Of
all the techniques, listening is the backbone
- it is essential through every stage. During
the middle stages of the process the counselor
is very active: interpreting, probing, confronting
and encouraging. The final stages are marked by
a drop in the level of counselor activity, where
the counselor listens, reflects, uses silence,
self-disclosure and encouragement. ( Carkhuff,
R. 1969).
Terminating
Ending up a counseling relationship is as important as any of the other basic skills. There are several aspects that effective counselors apply at terminating counseling relationships. They do not end the relationship suddenly, but as satisfactorily as possible. People come for counseling because of relationship problems - often those that have ended badly. From the beginning, the counselors look to the end by making it clear to the subject that they have a contract for several sessions. They periodically, evaluate where they have got what was to be achieved. If there is a pattern of broken relationships, they talk about the pattern and spend time ending. They leave the door open for follow up, i.e. in a month’s time or whenever the need arises.
It is not always easy to give up the expert position in a group. Counselors try to involve in group activities, whether as a formal leader or group member, and determine if they can translate competencies into changes in subject’s behavior that will allow him/her to contribute more effectively to the group, and to achieving the counseling goals. |